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[personal profile] strix_alba
I’m 24 and I still feel like a bitter old person sometimes because when I was figuring out gender things, I didn’t have the same degree of representation that I see now, I didn’t have a community, and part of that was that I didn’t have anyone and part of that was that trans things weren’t as visible and were harder to find. I first read about the concept of ‘transgenderism’ in a psych textbook which also listed ‘homosexuality’ as a paraphilia. I shoved as hard as I could at the walls of Being Female and scrambled to get as far away from that as I could because fuck that noise, no, and I had to be really firm and single-minded in my identity in order to get my family to take me seriously (and yes I recognize my incredible privilege yes okay I promise you I know) and so I haven’t evaluated how I felt about it since I came out because any sign of weakness in being Male-The-Opposite-Of-Female and I’m going to get stuffed back in that fucking box again.

And, I don’t know what the point of this is, except that I feel stifled and I don’t know what I feel and I want to scream about it.

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strix alba

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